Do not root out what I keep inside, as if I never wasted most of my idle time doing so. And refrain from patting yourself on the back by taking credit for my upliftings. I probably ignored your advice, and the rest of everything you told me. Apart from my preferred company, other people feel like they know me inside out and boast about it proudly. Those are the relationships I put to a halt because knowing me like that is not necessary. Truth is I know how this all happened but I have no clue how it became of something beyond me. I like my personal relationships like how I want my life to be, quiet.
I believe every sort of happiness comes with a fall, they come hand in hand, to me at least. That is why you cherish those precious moments because they rarely come around enough. That is when you stop including the negative factors in your life because it will then neutralize into a form of contentment. That is why you live that up before you begin to fall down again. Happiness to me is only temporary success.
After months of agony filling inside this emptiness, I realized that bliss is such an invitation to further consequences prior to temporal euphoric moments. Is it worth it? Only at the moment.
I stared at the not so blinding sun reflected on my designated monitor. Right hand rested on my assigned phone and my left laid dead on the keyboard. Everyone around me, all too used to living robotic, carried out the same duties as I. My task is easy: call previous supporters, take order, hang up, update computer- but way too repetitive. Once I had gotten myself suited into the work routine I immediately became sick of this corporate world.
It is limbo, I suppose, or much like purgatory, that my mind roams about trying to understand everything like a ghost with hopes for restoration or an improved version of such a broken but perfectly grown shell. I resorted to keeping an open mind to people who preach on how to live and feel happy, which means to travel far away from sobriety. Meaning I try to live life with people who do not know how to really live.
The sky began to pour, as if there was a link between my soul and the clouds hovering over me. I kept walking towards my usual destination after a long day of work, cleansing my exterior with tears from what mother nature held as my own.
This light, the only delusion in this darkness, it keeps moving further away the more I draw near to it. And this darkness, the absolution, continues to encompass my thoughts. I constantly remind myself that every success is temporary. Nothing of this world can ever lift me high from this hell that I am forced to go through.
I gave up. I was too tired to understand. I gave up completely and indulged into the world of simplicity, the world that runs by vanity. Everything becomes so much easier when you refuse to face the things that are not meant to see. Although I chose to live like a humanoid-robotic being that lives like everyone else, I still think fuck the world and everything revolving around it. Money can give you anything these days, literally anything. Such a piece of shit fact we have grown to live for.