lilytrang said: WHERE DID YOUR FB GO?!
i’m off the grid for a bit
There’s just so much noise in my head and I can’t seem to silence it.
i have good news and bad news
So with the bad news, I’ve been creating a routine schedule for myself which included things like read, read again, work out, eat 6 times a day, and other things, but I have failed to meet my own expectations on the first day…. On the other hand, the good news is that I was complimented as the “asian james deen” (not by looks) so I have that going for me :3
One thing is that I’ll lose interest if you only text 2 to 4 times a week and can’t even keep up with a conversation. Second thing is that I’m an understandable guy and I can tolerate almost about anything. Just don’t get it confuse when I try and you don’t.
It was 4am. Mellow-type playlists were queued in 8tracks.com and we had switched the lights off for quite some time. I got up and sat on the edge of my bed, rested my forearms on my thighs, hands closed together, and stared right through the window 5 meters away from me while her eyes ran across the nearest walls and ceiling of my daily confinement.
We share each other’s pain in a convenient way. Our broken mindsets are far from ordinary, and we can easily tell who’s bullshitting about claiming such a statement. Love is not an option. Let me rephrase that… Love seems impossible for human beings who are built from the same foundation as us. She asked if I wanted kids and I said I would marry not for the sake of love but for the sake of having one— a chaotic path indeed. I heard unconditional love is only between a parent and their children. Then it became quiet between us while remixes of Meiko were put on rotation.
The one laying down behind me then positioned herself where her head hung from the edge of the bed, trying to figure out my re-occurring thoughts of hopes and nightmares. I placed my palm on the side of her face and traced her cheek bones with my thumb, and kept staring through the window with heaven and hell clashing in the back of my mind.
We both embraced the ongoing playlist at the time and stayed in this position for another hour.
today i came home to a mother slowly becoming depressed by the corporate world and their plan to retire her by 65. today she asked me if i’m willing to travel the world with her if someday she gets rich. today she’s finally revealing the influence from her 101 year old feminist bitch ass client who keeps insisting divorce because her husband failed to reach society’s standards of being a man/father/husband. today he showed me emotions i have never witnessed before; saying he doesn’t want to live in the philippines if his wife is feeling like this, if the family is breaking apart over financial issues. he’s leaving in 2 weeks for 6+ months and it will be just me and her. her mindset is turning into shit and it pains me to see the sweetest woman turn bitter.
today i planned out my blue prints with the team. i decided to take the left because things aren’t going right, and continue to take the road less traveled. robert kiyosaki’s rich dad poor dad concept is so fucking real. i don’t believe i can make my parents happy if i work a job to retire myself in 40 years and they’re already dead or miserable and dying. fuck it. i’m taking this vehicle and i’m retiring within 5 years. if i don’t wake up now i’ll be asleep forever.
there is no plan b.